Escape to Largo: Your Perfect I-95 Capitol Beltway Getaway!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into a chaotic, honest, and hopefully helpful review of a hotel. This won't be your cookie-cutter, corporate-speak summary. This is the real deal. Let’s see what they've got at this place…
The Unfiltered Review of [Hotel Name, let's pretend it's called "Sunrise Sands"]
Right off the bat, I need to say, I’m terrible at categories. "Things to do," "Services and Conveniences"… bleh. But I am good at honesty. So, bear with me. Let's go!
Accessibility & Safety (aka, the "Are We Alive?" Section)
Okay, important stuff first. I’m generally a clumsy human, so "Accessible" is crucial.
- Wheelchair Accessible: Okay good. We'll need to see specifics on the website..
- Facilities for Disabled Guests: Hopefully, they actually have these. Specifics are key.
- Elevator: Bless the elevator gods.
- CCTV in Common Areas/Outside Property, Security [24-hour], Doorman, Fire Extinguisher, Smoke Alarms: Okay, good. No one wants to burn to a crisp or get mugged on the way to the buffet. These are big YESES.
- Non-Smoking Rooms: Again, YES. Nobody wants to smell like an ashtray, even if you are a smoker.
- Cleanliness & Safety (Post-COVID, thank goodness): Okay, this is where things get interesting.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Nice.
- Daily Disinfection in Common Areas: Absolutely vital.
- Hand Sanitizer: Everywhere, please. Seriously, I'm obsessed.
- Hygiene Certification: Show me the paperwork!
- Physical Distancing of at least 1 meter: In practice, this is usually more of a suggestion.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Okay, making progress.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: That's… an interesting option.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Essential.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Food poisoning is never a good look.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Praying this means actually trained, not just given a pamphlet.
- Sterilizing equipment: Good to know.
Initial Thoughts on Safety: Okay, so Sunrise Sands seems to take hygiene seriously, which is a massive relief. COVID really did a number on my paranoia!
Internet & Tech (Because, Duh)
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: Hallelujah! Must-have.
- Internet Access: Shakes fist at the heavens.
- Internet [LAN]: (shrugs) Anyone still using this?
- Wi-Fi in public areas: Important.
- Laptop workspace: Must-have.
My Verdict: Okay, tech-wise, they’re covering the essentials. No complaints.
Rooms (The Sanctuary, Or The Place Where They Shove You With a Smile?)
Alright, let's see what we're dealing with in the actual rooms.
Available in all Rooms:
- Additional Toilet: (Eyes widen) Okay, now we're talking! Luxury!
- Air Conditioning: Essential.
- Alarm Clock: Meh. I use my phone.
- Bathrobes: Fancy!
- Bathroom Phone: (Confused face) Why? Just… why?
- Bathtub: Crucial for a good soak.
- Blackout Curtains: Sleep is sacred.
- Carpeting: Ugh. Okay, what kind? My allergies just flared up.
- Closet: Clothes must be stored.
- Coffee/tea maker: MUST HAVE.
- Complimentary Tea: Nice touch.
- Daily Housekeeping: Yes, please!
- Desk: Gotta have it.
- Extra Long Bed: Bless you!
- Free Bottled Water: Hydration is key, people!
- Hair Dryer: Praise Be.
- High Floor: Depends.
- In-room safe box: Always use these.
- Interconnecting room(s) available: Okay for families, I guess.
- Internet access – LAN/Internet access – wireless/Wi-Fi [free]: Check, check, check!
- Ironing facilities: Iron? Like, a literal iron?
- Laptop workspace: (See Desk)
- Linens: Hope they’re clean!
- Mini bar: Expensive temptation.
- Mirror: Check your looks!
- Non-smoking: YES!
- On-demand movies: Tempting.
- Private bathroom: Obviously!
- Reading light: Good for when I'm up all night binge-watching.
- Refrigerator: For my snacks!
- Safety/security feature: Safety first.
- Satellite/cable channels: Standard.
- Scale: Okay, I don’t NEED this!
- Seating area: Nice to have.
- Separate shower/bathtub: Ideal setup.
- Shower: Okay.
- Slippers: Fancy!
- Smoke detector: Double-check.
- Socket near the bed: A must.
- Sofa: I wish!
- Soundproofing: Please.
- Telephone: (See Bathroom Phone)
- Toiletries: Hopefully decent.
- Towels: Essential!
- Umbrella: Always a good idea.
- Visual alarm: Okay, good if you NEED it.
- Wake-up service: Meh.
- Window that opens: I like air!
Room Decorations: Okay, I'm a sucker for a well-decorated room. I kind of want a little something that shows the hotel cares.
The Room Verdict: On paper, the rooms are well-equipped. Now, the real test is whether they're CLEAN and QUIET.
Food & Drink (The Most Important Section)
- A la carte in restaurant: Good.
- Alternative meal arrangement: Crucial for allergies.
- Asian breakfast/cuisine, Western breakfast/cuisine: Variety is key for the win.
- Bar, Poolside Bar: Yes, yes, and yes.
- Bottle of water: Free, please!
- Breakfast [buffet]: Essential!
- Breakfast service, Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service: All good options.
- Buffet in restaurant: (Eyes widen)
- Coffee/tea in restaurant/coffee shop: Coffee is life.
- Desserts in restaurant: Gimme!
- Dining, drinking, and snacking: Gimme!
- Happy hour: If they have a good happy hour, I will forgive almost anything.
- International cuisine in restaurant: Gotta try it!
- Restaurants: Quantity and Quality are key.
- Room service [24-hour]: God bless room service.
- Salad/Soup in restaurant: I love salads!
- Snack bar: Yes!
- Vegetarian restaurant: Important!
- Individually-wrapped food options: I hope they still have these, especially with the COVID lingering.
- Safe dining setup: Hopefully, they’ll do everything right.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Thank God!
- Essential condiments: Always a must.
- Okay, lets see, I am a hungry person, so I need a great breakfast. It needs to be big. I want a variety of local, and something western too. I'm imagining a gorgeous buffet. Fresh fruit, eggs cooked to order, pastries, yum!
Food & Drink Verdict: Seems promising. Breakfast is the make or break for me.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax (The "Treat Yo' Self" Section)
Let's see what pampering is available.
Body scrub/wrap/massage: Yes, please!
Fitness center/Gym/fitness: Gotta work off those buffets!
Foot bath: Always a great option.
Pool with view/Swimming pool/Swimming pool [outdoor]: Pools are a must for me.
Sauna/Spa/Spa/sauna/Steamroom: This will be the deciding factor if I end up booking.
Couple's room: If you're a couple, I guess?
Alright, buckle up, buttercups! This ain't your grandma's itinerary. We’re going to the Holiday Inn Express I-95 Capitol Beltway in Largo, Maryland. Sounds glamorous, right? Hold your horses. This trip…well, it's a thing.
The "I Survived Maryland (Probably)" Itinerary
Day 1: Arrival – The I-95 Gauntlet and Existential Dread (and maybe a questionable microwave dinner)
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Travel. Let's be honest, "travel" is a generous term for the soul-crushing experience that is I-95 surrounding D.C. It’s like a video game, except the boss level is always jammed and there are no power-ups, just endless brake lights and the faint scent of desperation. I swear, I saw a guy eating a bag of chips with one hand and simultaneously flipping a bird at a semi. True grit, that.
- 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Arrive (finally!). Okay, here we are, the promised land! The Holiday Inn Express. It's… well, it's a Holiday Inn Express. You know the deal. Neutral carpets, a vending machine that probably steals your money, and that vaguely chemical smell they all seem to share. But hey, AC! And a bed! The little joys. Checked in. Realized I forgot my toothbrush. Classic.
- 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Room Reconnaissance. Okay, let's assess the damage. The TV works! Excellent. The complimentary toiletries are…well, they exist. I'm already plotting a raid on the vending machine. Need snacks. Need sustenance. Need to not think about the hours I’ve lost in traffic.
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Relaxing in the room and work… Ugh… I have to work! sigh. But I love it… sigh.
- 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Dinner Disaster (Maybe). Considering the local options. Is there a decent chain restaurant nearby? Or am I doomed to a microwave meal from the hotel shop? The eternal question. Last time I ended up ordering takeout at 8:30… it was cold.
- 8:00 PM - Bedtime: Netflix and Self-Loathing. Catch up on some shows for me. Maybe try to finish that book I've been putting off. Fall asleep and dread tomorrow.
Day 2: Theme Park… And What Am I Doing With My Life?
- 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Breakfast Chaos. The "complimentary breakfast." I’m expecting a continental catastrophe. Will there be stale muffins? Coffee that tastes like motor oil? I’m steeling myself for the experience.
- 10:00 AM - 6:00 PM: Six Flags America. Ok, deep breaths. I have arrived at the theme park of chaos! It was…a lot. The lines were long, the sun was blazing, and my inner child screamed for joy while my outer adult groaned about the price of a soda. The roller coasters were exhilarating, though, I'll give it that. Screaming until my voice was ragged, feeling the wind in my hair, and momentarily forgetting everything. The food…well, let's just say it wasn't gourmet.
- 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Post-Theme Park Debrief. Back at the hotel. Is there a pool? Please tell me there is a pool. I need to submerge myself in chlorinated water and contemplate the meaning of life (or just how to get the cotton candy off my clothes).
- 8:00 PM - Bedtime: Sleep like a log. Maybe a melatonin, too. We'll get through this.
Day 3: Goodbye, Maryland (Maybe? Please?).
- 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Breakfast: Round 2. Armed with the knowledge of Day 1's breakfast buffet, I will approach this with the gusto of a seasoned warrior.
- 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Packing & Check-out. The grand finale! Packing suitcases, going over the hotel room to make sure I didn't leave anything behind.
- 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Depart. shivers involuntarily.
- 12:00 PM - ???: Travel home. Wish me luck. I need all the good vibes I can get.
Important Disclaimers (Because, you know, adulting):
- This itinerary is highly subject to change. Spontaneity (aka my inability to stick to a plan) is highly encouraged.
- "Decent meal" is defined as "anything that doesn't involve instant noodles." Lower your expectations accordingly.
- Expect emotional outbursts. I'm a sensitive soul.
- This is a self-guided tour of messy human-ness. Proceed at your own risk.
Alright, wish me luck. May your journeys be less chaotic than mine. And may the odds be ever in your favor (especially when dealing with I-95).
Edmond's BEST Hotel? Holiday Inn Express Review (You WON'T Believe This!)
So, like, what *is* this whole thing, anyway?
Ugh, okay, fine. It's...well, it's supposed to be helpful. Some people call it an FAQ. You know, Frequently Asked Questions. I'm supposed to answer common queries. But let's be honest, a lot of the "frequently" part is me just anticipating your nosy questions. Because you ARE nosy, aren't you? Don't even try to deny it.
And I'm supposed to give you *good* answers, but I'm basically winging it. Think of it as a slightly-educated, caffeine-addicted friend rambling at you. I might get sidetracked. I might go on a tangent. Deal with it.
Who is this even for? Like, who's reading this ridiculousness?
Honestly? Probably nobody at all. Or maybe you, dear reader, bless your heart. Maybe you stumbled in here looking for *actual* information, in which case, I apologize. You might find some here, eventually, but mostly, it's for my own amusement.
If you are here, though, I'm guessing you're curious, maybe a little bored, and possibly prone to existential dread. Or maybe you just clicked the wrong link. Happens. Welcome!
Okay, okay, enough fluff, what is this *actually* about? Lay it on me.
Alright, Alright. Are you sitting comfortably? Good, because you're not moving for a while. The *actual* thing, the *thing* we're supposed to be talking about (eventually) is... well, it's a feeling. Its about that time you're supposed to know what you're doing, but you feel lost, or maybe you are so good at hiding it, but you know you're a fraud. It's about...
Basically that moment you realize you have an irrational fear of squirrels, or when your cat stares down at you, and you realize it's judging. This is about the good times, the bad times, and the times you question all your life choices. Yeah. You're in for a wild ride. Buckle up!
How do I even *begin*? I feel lost. (And maybe a little judged.)
Lost? Judging? Pfft. You think *you're* lost? I've spent the last hour staring at a blinking cursor, trying to decide if "intro" is too cliché. Seriously, I get it. Look, the beginning is always the hardest part. You know that feeling when you're staring at an empty canvas or starting a new video game where you do *nothing*, and your brain just shuts down? Yeah. Been there...multiple times.
My advice? Just...start. Don't overthink it. Write something, anything. Even if it's complete gibberish, at least you're moving. And who knows, you might surprise yourself. Or you might not. Either way, remember it's *okay* to be messy. It's okay to make mistakes. Seriously, I've made a *ton* of them, and I'm still here.
I'm still confused. What does it mean to *be* that thing?
Okay. This is where it gets... well, it's about a realization, a feeling. It's about the tiny voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough. About the imposter syndrome that threatens to derail your life at any moment. It's about… wait, am I getting overly dramatic? Probably.
But *really* though... It's about the times you fail, and then have to pick yourself up and try again. It's about celebrating the small victories. It's about the *journey*, you know? *Ugh*, clichés. But they're true! Embrace them.
What if i feel something totally different?
Well, then you're probably one of those super-organized, happy-go-lucky types I secretly resent! (Kidding! Mostly.) Look, the whole point is to connect with *something*. Maybe the "inspo" this whole thing is about doesn't resonate with you. Fine! Life is a choose-your-own-adventure novel, and sometimes you pick a path that leads to a dead end. That's life.
The important thing is to be honest with yourself. So, yeah, if you aren't feeling it, that's PERFECTLY OKAY. Go do you. Maybe grab a snack. I highly recommend chips. And maybe some ice cream. And... well. Maybe that IS the meaning of life after all.
Can I share my own experiences?
Absolutely! Seriously! Please! I'm getting bored with just *my* ramblings. Please do! Share your stories. Tell me about the time you totally messed up. Tell me about the time you triumphed. Tell me about the time you just sat on the couch eating ice cream and felt AMAZING. I want to hear it all. The more, the merrier.
DM me, write a comment, or... well, I haven't actually figured out how to enable interaction yet. But email me if you want, in the meantime.
What if I feel completely hopeless?
Oh, honey. *Big hug*. If you're feeling hopeless, please, *please* seek help. Talk to someone. A friend, a family member, a therapist... anyone. I'm just a rambling website, I can't fix things.
But I can tell you this: You're not alone. Even at your lowest, even when it feels like the world is ending, there are people who care about you. And things can and *will* get better. Believe me, as someone who has stared into the abyss and questioned every single life choice ever, I know a thing or two about feeling lost. Don't give up. You got this.
